Posts Tagged ‘God’


When I was young, I used to pray to God asking him why he created mosquitos. I never got an answer I liked.


I stopped going to the dentist near me because she had L. Ron Hubbard books lining her bookshelves. She casually brought up Scientology with her metal toothpick in my mouth and said, “Anyone who is against Scientology is hiding something. Are you hiding anything?” 

I couldn’t respond because my mouth was wide open with her working in it. 

I haven’t been back to the dentist in years.


Sometimes cats walk on keyboards and type random keys with their little cat paws and people keep the random assortment of letters and symbols in their e-mails saying things like “Whiskers wrote that. Teehee!” My cat, however, when he walks on the keyboard, he changes all the settings on the computer somehow so the screen is zoomed in too far or an electronic voice announces all your mouse movements like a sportscaster. I can’t even figure out what to google to fix it. 

Sometimes I pick him up and put him on the keyboard and say “Undo what you did.”

He never listens, just stares at me and smugly sits down licking his paws.



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There was a metro preacher the other day who said, “People say that you can’t cure cancer.  Cancer is a tiny virus,” he said.  “So tiny.  To God, cancer is the size of an ant.”  Considering a virus is monumentally smaller than an ant, God, in this man’s eyes, must be an itty bitty little guy.


My mom and I broke a wish bone together this morning and I lost.  I started crying.

“Don’t worry,” she said.  “I wished for your wish to come true.”

“My wish was only to win,” I said.


The other day, I got a fortune cookie that said, “You will stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.”

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